I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I am available for nakedness
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
