If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
