I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
