My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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