im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
