My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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