You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
