There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
