; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
