addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
