he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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