when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Randomize
