Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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