I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
