My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
