Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
