Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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