So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
