Can i not drive my cunt home
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
