Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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