Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
