I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
