When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
