i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
