i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
