Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
