The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
