My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he laminated a picture of his dick.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
