he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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