So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
