she smelled like a LAN party
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
