I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
