I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
