He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
