I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
