..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just invented taco cereal.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
