Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
