We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
try to milk me bitch
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
