You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
