Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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