look no pants
two words: eviction party
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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