by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
