We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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