i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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