Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
