You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
