please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
