hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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