Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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