Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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